The Cabbage Convention
by MormonMaiden
Summary: A place where the minor characters of the Avatar universe meet, preparing for the takeover of the fandom...led by your favorite Cabbage Merchant!


-o- Okay, as a story, this thing is _weird_. It's half fanfic, half instructions for my (Amazinglyamazing) Community for minor characters in the Avatar universe of the same name. Hope you get through it without your head exploding!-o-

If you enter a certain village near the coast of the Earth Kingdom, on a certain night nearing the end of summer, you may find a certain building with a sign on it reading "The Cabbage Convention." Most men, women, and children mill through this village innocently, unaware of the sign and what it means. Others though, know it's meaning and disappear off in the direction of the large building near the border of the town. Still more receive invitations and travel long distances to participate in and receive recognition in the convention's festivities.

It was the type of thing that the Gaang would never have noticed on their own; so caught up were they in the quest to find an inn for the night that simple feelings of de ja vu could be overlooked. In fact, if not for Toph's sensitive hearing, they would not have known anything unusual was happening in the peaceful town that they had chosen for a quick rest and recuperation.

"What do you mean, you won't let me in?" a raspy female voice raged, drawing the young earthbender's attention, who then quickly alerted this development to the rest of the Gaang.

"You two are re-occurring characters," a rather large woman with a prominent mole on her face said, blocking the doorway to the large building. The tall boy being blocked from entrance fixed the gatekeeper with an intense stare.

"The Cabbage Man is different," she responded, evidently gleaning a telepathic message from the archer's intent look. "You two have interacted _directly_ with the main characters multiple times. You have major shippers. For heaven's sake, you have _communities_ dedicated to you. You don't belong at the Cabbage Convention."

"Longshot? Smellerbee?" Katara asked, rushing up to them. "What are you doing here?"

"Katara? Aang?" Smellerbee asked, exhibiting more confusion than necessary.

"Katara?! Aang?!" The large woman repeated, looking fairly horrified. "What are YOU doing here?"

"It's alright ma'am, I'm the Avatar." Aang explained, impatiently wishing that someone would end the confusion by explaining things. Unfortunately, this was not to be.

"I _know_ you're the Avatar. I met you on the way to Ba Sing Se. I was the customs lady who wouldn't let you pass." Indeed, with a closer look (the mole made it painfully obvious) it certainly was the crabby lady from the Ba Sing Se station. Unfortunately, recognition did little to alleviate confusion.

"Can you tell me what's going on here?" Aang asked.

"No, I can't. You're holding up the line. NEXT!" she yelled, and suddenly Aang, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Smellerbee, and Longshot were shoved out of the way by a group of pirates, followed by some rough looking men riding rhino-lizards. Somehow, Momo managed to sneak inside without too much trouble, and the snuffly noises of a large air bison could be heard from within, despite the fact that no one had seen Appa enter the building…much less an opening where he could fit through.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Sokka demanded, but then was distracted by a group of Suki-less Kyoshi warriors filing into the building.

Smellerbee sighed. "It's a convention for minor characters in the Avatar Universe. Longshot and I were going to go but I guess we don't count anymore…"

Toph nodded. "Not since the Serpent's Pass. You two have had a bunch of major appearance since that episode." Longshot shook his head.

"Not since Jesus.Lives." he said, and for a moment they were unsure whether he was making a religious statement, or referring to the fanfiction author responsible for many of the Smellershot shippers on In their confused silence, the customs lady cleared all Gashuin, Broadsword Man, The Canyon Guide, and Sangok.

"I can't believe this," Sokka finally muttered. "Usually, people are making conventions FOR us to attend. Why are people we've barely seen in passing all of a sudden showing up here? What are they going to do, talk about us behind our backs? And you...I've never even SEEN you!" This last part was shouted at a young Earth Kingdom boy and his mother, who passed into the building after sending him uncomfortable looks.

"You're not the only main characters, you know," Smellerbee countered. "I think Zuko saw them in that episode when he was alone."

"Zuko Alone?" Aang asked, gray eyes wide in bewilderment. "Episodes? What are you TALKING about?"

"He's still under the illusion that the show revolves around _him,"_ Toph whispered to the last two Freedom Fighters. "We all know it's really about Sugar Queen, here."

"What?" Katara asked, her voice a bit too high, as if trying to ignore the fact that the majority of the people watching the show only tune in to find out who she's going to end up with by staring fixedly at a man sucking on an ear of corn. He was accompanied by two inappropriately dressed Waterbenders with swamp leaves for hats.

"So…uh….what are we supposed to do?" Sokka asked. "You know, since we don't really have a place here and all…"

The response came with startling swiftness, as all main characters disappeared completely from this 'fic. (A/N: Ever wondered how Avatar people end up in the "Real World?" Yeah, sorry, that was me…)

"NEXT! The large woman yelled, finally reaching the end of the bickering lines of Gan Jin and Zhang tribes' people. The line had died down many hours ago leaving three Earth Kingdom youth waiting for entrance.

"Haru, Jin, and Song?" she asked skeptically and they nodded.

"Hold it. You three have some complications."

"What do you mean, complications?" Haru demanded. "We were each only in one episode!"

"But we're all often paired with canon characters," Song pointed out. She sent a look in Jin's direction that could have been interpreted either as jealousy or shared experience.

"Exactly. If you want to get in, you've got to focus on your own story, not necessarily your romance. The Cabbage Convention is not a place for shipper wars." Jin stuck out a tongue at Song but nodded. Quickly following behind them was a slew of vaguely familiar faces—the parents and relatives of all major (and minor characters).

"There's no way you're not letting us in," Aang's dad said, gray eyes dancing merrily as he sidestepped the doorkeeper and entered the convention's grand room. Archers with blood red markings on their eyes spoke with the Spirits of Avatars past, mingling among the masses of Earth Kingdom prisoners and Aang's Airbender friends (who were all keeping clear of a brooding Sozin, still muttering about his comet). A passing Fire Nation guard noted that Jinju and Foamy were becoming fast friends, both oozing of social awkwardness. The man wearing red shoes laughed too loudly as he flirted ineptly with Joo Dee, fighting the blush on his cheeks as he met her blank stare. A voice interrupted the joviality, directing their attention to a platform on which an Earth Kingdom man cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Friends! We're all here because we are integral characters in the background of this universe! The entire show would fall apart without us!"

"Who is he?" Sneers muttered to Pipsqueak, ignoring the evil eye he was getting from the severe looking woman who had been speaking in haiku.

"The storyteller. From that episode with the fake Airbenders," the large Freedom Fighter whispered, and then they turned their attention back to where the storyteller was still talking about their importance.

"Indeed, no matter how necessary we are, no matter how influential and indispensable, would we not be content to fade into the background if not for one man? Please, give your attention to the most recognizable of all Avatar minor characters, the namesake of this convention, The Cabbage Merchant!"

Applause roared and the man clutched one of his precious cabbages to his chest nervously. For the umpteenth time, he cursed the author of this fanfiction for her obsessive love, and tried to muster up the courage to speak in front of such a large number of people.

"I am the Cabbage Merchant. I…I thank you for coming." He gulped audibly, and then forced himself to continue. "For too long we have been overlooked, laughed at, and looked down upon. It is time for us to stand up and speak for ourselves. This convention is a place for minor characters—you and me—to inspire writers to explore the Avatar universe through us. We are looking for good writers, well-written fiction, and inspiring, thought provoking interactions. We are real characters, and we deserve attention too!"

_How cheesy is that? _He thought. _They're never gonna believe it...I can't believe she's making me DO this..._

Just to spite him, a roar of approval went up from the crowd.

"Are there any questions?" he asked finally, grinning despite himself. Sometimes having an overenthusiastically insane author backing you up wasn't ALL that bad…

"I've got one," An older woman spoke up, the white cat weaving between her legs bearing the nametag of 'Miyuki.' "I'm only known as the Herbalist. Can I get an author to give me a real name, or would that be infringing on the Mary Sue/Gary Stu ban?"

"By all means, have them come up with names for you," the Cabbage Man answered, smiling. "Actually, my fanfiction name is 'Kantu.' The only stipulation is that names must sound Avatarish. We don't want any Stacy's from the Fire Nation or Brian's from the Air Nomads. So as long as it sounds natural, it's perfectly fine. Does that answer your question?"

"Yes, thank you…" The Herbalist ducked out of the way, letting a tall dark haired woman step into view.

"Hello…I also have a question on the Mary Sue/Gary Stu ban. I'm a character that doesn't actually get mentioned in the animation, but it's pretty obvious that I should be canon. If I get someone to write a story about me, and I don't have too much focus on my husband, do I still count?"

"And you are…?" Kantu asked, hoping that this Fire Nation noble was not one of those who bordered on the murky area of Original Characters.

"I'm Iroh's wife. LuTen's mother," she filled in graciously.

"Well, as long as they develop you as a person. If it isn't an over-the-top romance then you should be just fine."

"And just for clarification, what if the author feels that I, as a semi-canonic character, need siblings and friends to make me more realistic?"

The Cabbage merchant stroked his beard thoughtfully. "I suppose if those characters don't start taking over the story and are necessary to make things more realistic, that would be allowable. Anything else?"

She shook her head 'no.'

"Well, if that's the end, we can move on to—" A sudden disturbance in the back of the room interrupted Kantu's announcement. The crowd parted to reveal a very glowy Aang.

"Hey! You're the MAIN character! There's no way in heck YOU belong here!" an annoyingly high-pitched voice rang out, originating from the highly fashionable/highly irritating Earth Kingdom girl, Star. "Besides, like, didn't she say that you disappeared from the fanfic forever or like, yeah?!"

"The Author forgot to mention something." Aang answered, his intense glowing stare frightening Star into submission. "Main characters are allowed to narrate or otherwise be mentioned in the fanfiction under one condition: If the story itself does not revolve around them." A tense moment passed as Glowy Eyed Aang© glared at the audience intimidating.

"Does that make sense?" Kantu asked, breaking the silence. "One of us can have thoughts relating to the Avatar or his companions, as long as it does not take the majority of the fanfiction. Likewise, Aang could have thoughts about minor characters as long as the story doesn't revolve around him." The merchant turned to the current Avatar, flinching slightly at the bright gaze. "Is there anything else the Author wants to say?"

"Yeah." Aang answered. "She loves you and wants you to know that she's writing a "crapload" of fanfiction about you even as we speak." Kantu rolled his eyes; having long since grown used to such flowery declarations from MormonMaiden, he would believe it when said fanfiction started actually being posted. Still, she could have picked a better time (and as he fought the blush at the increased stares) a less private place to make such declarations.

"Well if that's taken care of," he said, watching as Aang regained consciousness and was once again hauled from the building. "I guess…we can get started!"

The mass of minor characters (plus the oft-forgotten Appa and Momo) chattered amongst themselves excitedly, preparing to plead their cases to the muses of all good Avatar fanfiction writers they could get their hands on. Perhaps you can feel one or two of them (or perhaps seven, twenty, ninety-eleven?!?!) of them tugging at your heartstrings now, begging to be written about? Should that be the case, do feel free to write up your stories—none of them are going to complain! Help us make the move towards a more realistic (or since parodies and humor are accepted just as readily as drama just more open-minded) Avatar universe! Join Cabbage Revolution today!!

-o- Woo! We made it! Review and tell me if you enjoyed this fic, if you want to staff, if you have something you think should be included…just review, okay?! Have Nice Lives All!!-o-


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